Europe Photos

Editing some of my Europe photos to take my mind of things that happened in the last week. What do you guys think? Here's one from every country I've visited...

Amsterdam:

Spain:

Italy:

France:

London:

Maybe I'll blog about my Euro trip here. I know I've taken lots of candid photos of hot European guys there.

Losses and Heartaches

So today, I went to my grandma's funeral. I finally let out all the feelings building inside me over the past week. I think I cried a good bucket of salty tears today.

That release of feelings was good. It felt... relieving to let go of all the emotional baggage I've been carrying on these last couple of days.

I'm listening to depressing songs nowadays... Lots of Coldplay, Keane, Dian Vickers, Letting Up Despite Great Faults, and Damian Rice.

Depressing songs make me happy... Weird, I know.

I’m listening to The Only Exception a little bit too much. It’s weird. Normally, you’d associate the song to true love, but for some reason, I seem to be playing it because my grandma passed away recently. There’s a sense of longing in the song that seems to fit well with my situation right now. The feeling and act of yearning by Hayley in the song itself transcends to a sense of loss as well. 

Just what do you exactly do when the person you consider to be the most important person in your life suddenly walks out of your life? Do you weep? Do you lash out in anger and despair? Or perhaps, do you remember how much impact he or she has made in your life? That’s exactly what the song suggests. Remembering the good times you had with him or her. 

I’m still in denial over my grandma’s death even though I have already seen her in a casket. I’m quite numb actually; a hollowness seems to be spurning within me. I can’t fully explain what I’m feeling in the moment, so I’m listening to songs to help me get over this. The funeral is in a couple of days and I don’t know what to do. 

Game of Thrones

So when my internet was out for a couple of days, I’m been doing some catch-up reading the entire time. I finally got me to finish Game of Thrones. And I say finally because I brought that book with me to my Europe vacation and in the entire month that I was there, I only got to read 3 pages out of the 835. To think, I could have finished the entire thing in one day! 

At first, I thought the plot was too slow. There were so many characters being introduced per chapter, I had to actually read the appendix at the back of the novel to familiarize myself. Safe to say, I’m glad I stayed in for the journey because the entire novel is fucking awesome. It’s so brilliantly crafted that it kept me at the edge of my seat (or in this case, bed) the entire time. I swear, you think you know what’s going to happen, and then you find out a second later, you’re guess is like a million miles away! Oh man… It was good… real good. 

I guess another reason why I love the story so much is how it reminds me of a certain video game whose plot, setting, and characters are eerily familiar with Game of Thrones. I’m talking about Dragon Age or more importantly, Dragon Age II. There were several instances while I was reading the book that made me stop and momentarily think of Dragon Age II. That’s a good thing though. I regard the Dragon Age series as one of my favorite series of all time and even though the sequel was a bit disappointment in gameplay, its intricate and compelling narrative will always hold a special place in my heart. 

So when all the holy-fucking-I-didn’t-see-those-acts-of-betrayal-coming surface in Game of Thrones, I couldn’t help but think of the countless acts of betrayal in DA2: Bartrand’s desertion, Isabella’s backstabbing, Anders’ maleficent act of destruction… Sweet Jesus… The way DA2 kept me guessing as to what will happen, Game of Thrones did as well… perhaps, even better. I don’t want to spoil any of the major plots, but my god was it fantastic. 

The characters are also a part of my huge adoration for the book. The Stark family reminded me so much of the Hawke family that when a particular someone died in the end of the novel, I literally screamed profanities out loud. It brought me back to Hawke’s mother being murdered and transmogrified into a soulless corpse, which has got to be the most spine tingling part of the story. It was that powerful… and Game of Thrones managed to pick that one up as well.

I even managed to relate the Khol to the Qunari… Imagine that.

Lord Ned Stark and his journey through King’s Landing amidst all the trouble in his family and his own brought me back to when I was playing Hawke and his tribulations in DA2. You start of a poor peasant, but quickly maneuver yourself to be an upstanding and influential citizen by the second half of the game. By this time, all of your actions and deeds regarding the turmoil in the city of Kirkwall play similarly to Ned’s conquest amidst human snakes in finding out the truth on why Lord Arryn was murdered. Not being sure which side to take has made Ned’s tale in Game of Thrones is so engrossing and heartwrenching as was Hawke’s tale in either siding with the mages or the templars (both of which have several different outcomes). 

But the biggest shit worthy moment was the mention of ‘blood magic’ in the book. That’s where I really stopped, smiled, and actually whispered, “Fuck… Dragon Age!”

Any of you read it?

I feel like I'm stuck in a cave

Been internet deprived for the last four days because it got disconnected at home. Never felt so clueless about what's happening in the world.

Like, HARD TIMES OF RJ BERGER GETTING AXED!

Ugh.

Slightly anxious

I've scored me a job interview in a couple of hours and I'm getting really, really nervous.

Honestly, why is finding a job so difficult with this profession I chose? I should have done something easier... like get into porn.

Hey, I can kill two birds in one stone. I can get easy cash and work out all my sexual frustrations. Win-win situation, I say.

Besides, when I visited the gay district in London a couple of weeks back, everyone was staring at me like I was some piece of meat (at that time though, it was sort of creepy).

Guess I found my demographic then.

Slightly turned on

Wondering

So you guys already probably know that I’ve been sexually frustrated these couple of days and I dealt with that problem like any normal, horny gay guy would: watch porn. 

I streamed some videos and saw this Italian student getting fucked by his math teacher. From all the other porn videos I watched, it was pretty tame (and not to mention, very short), but hey, it served its purpose in getting me off. Also, I was quite intrigued because the Italian student had a piercing on his dick. 

Now I’m wondering, how does he have sex with that piece of jewelry hanging from the tip of his cock? Does he take it out when he plows someone’s ass? Or does he keep it in? I wonder how it would feel to have a pierced dick up your ass. Would it hurt even more? Or would it bring new levels of pleasure? 

I mean, I hooked up with a guy who had a piercing on his tongue and let me say, when he blew me, it felt really, really good for his stud to be rubbing against my dick. Now I’m wondering if the same goes for a pierced dick…. 

Aw shit, I’m boned up right now. All this sex talk man! All this sex talk...

Issues

One of my biggest problems about myself is how I always seem to act hastily based on my feelings.

A few days ago, I almost let go of a good friendship because I let my anger get the best of me. Instead of talking to him directly, I acted like a child and let my feelings influence my decisions. It certainly wasn't my proudest moment. I mean, I was actually willing to throw away a friendship just like that. I can't believe I was that shallow.

I just realized that all my life, I let my emotions dictate my way of living. My constant state of fear and depression has gotten me in a bind more than I can count. Fear has very much hindered my way to happiness. Fear of failure, disappointment, rejection has led me to living in a safety bubble that I can't try to burst. The things I want to really do in my life was just a dream I used to have.

A friend of mine talked to me about it and helped me realize what my problem was. That incident a couple of days ago was pretty much the eye-opener I needed. Now, I need to battle this. I need to be strong enough to actually take chances. I need to start living life the way I want it to be.

I just broke up my friendship with Tyler....

And it hurts so much!

I am literally crying as we speak! :(

It's Official

Tyler does not care... at all.

Imagine that

I went to a yogurt place this morning and wouldn't you know it, they had a Wii! You can play for free as long as you buy yogurt. Surprising. Huh.

Oh, see that fat kid on the left? That's my cousin. Don't mind him. LOL.

Story of Us

For some reason, Taylor Swift’s song is extremely relevant in my life right now… no, make it an uncanny representation of my life right now.

Especially these lyrics:

I’ll tell you I miss you, but I don’t know how…

… And I’m dying to know
Is it killing you
like it’s killing me ...

Captain America

Today I watched Captain America by accident. I was supposed to watch it with another friend of mine sometime within the week, but my parents kinda decided to watch it while we were touring around the local mall. So I had to say yes.

Out of all the superhero movies I have watched, I must say that Captain America was the best I have seen so far. Where everyone else had to rely on their super powers and machinery, Cap only has his guts and raw instinct to survive. Sure he had superhuman strength and speed, but he had no laser beams, telepathy, fancy lightning bolts, nor he had the ability to fly.

In fact, the way he moved throughout the story pretty much reminded me of Nathan Drake from Uncharted. He was stalking the bad guys, Uncharted. Flinging them over railings unnoticed, Uncharted. Jumping over huge gaps and cliffs, again Uncharted. And that train infiltration under the snow? How more Uncharted get you get? LOL. But I enjoyed the similarities and it was pretty amusing to see.

But I guess what I like the most about Captain America was the message. I know how some superhero movies force you some sort of moral anecdote. Remember Spiderman’s “With great power, comes great responsibility?” Well this movie isn’t pretty much different. And all of that comes from the brilliance from Stanley Tucci’s character, Dr. Erskine.

My particular favorite is when he talks to Steve the night before his supposed transformation. Steve asks him why he was chosen among all the other guys out there who are far more physically fit than him. Dr Erskine replies, “Because a weak man knows the value of strength, the value of power.” That little line spoke volumes to me. We now live in a sad world where those who are strong, have wealth and influence abuse their power for their own gain. Why, in the news nowadays, we’re having a case of money fraud from our ex-president’s husband. It’s just a sad realization. I guess it takes a man who has gone through hardship and has to work harder than the rest of the world to fully appreciate the value of life. And Captain America epitomizes that.

Speaking of Captain America himself, Steve Rogers is such a fascinating individual to study. He’s such an idealist who never falters despite being a small, skinny, defenseless twink at the start. Even though he’s not clear cut for the army, he enlists himself over and over again with this one line of thought: “I don’t want to kill anybody. I don’t like bullies; I don’t care where they’re from.” The thought of protecting the weak and protecting his country far outweighs his fear of death. And the fact that he stands up for himself even though he’s not physically strong is a testament on how truly courageous he is. And that scene wherein he grabs the grenade? Priceless. Sigh. How can you not like the guy?

I must say I got teary eyed at the end of the movie. Don’t want to spoil it, but I find it sad how he left some unfinished business only to find out in the end that opportunity was long gone forever.

So if you haven’t watched it, go do so. Believe me, if I can talk that much about this movie without mentioning over and over again how extremely hot Chris Evans was in the film, then it’s a bloody good movie.

Here it comes

So I finally told him that I was pissed at him. Let's see if the douchebag (okay, I momentarily cringed when I said that) replies.

Infuriated Rant

Tyler, I am so pissed off at you. It’s getting to the point wherein I’m getting fed up being pissed at you. Ugh. You have no idea how much I just want to ignore you for the rest of my life. But me being me, I just can’t bring myself to do that.

You sent me those drunk messages leaving me confused and vulnerable. I responded light heartedly waiting for you to decide on what may come out of this. The fact that you didn’t reply hurt. Do you realize how bothered I was with those sexually charged messages you sent me? Do you enjoy tormenting me? Do you enjoy leading me on? Because I sure as hell don’t.

You just can’t leave me hanging on. In case you didn’t realize, it was you who contacted me. It was you who bothered me first. Even if the things you sent me weren’t your true feelings (meaning you don’t really want to have sex with me), the least you can do is send some sort of apology. I’m not asking for a bloody essay. A simple “I’m sorry.” would suffice. But even then, you can’t be bothered to do so.

I’m starting to wonder whether our friendship means anything to you at all. It seems like I’m the only person here making an effort to keep this whatever relationship we have afloat. Do you care at all?

---

I plan to send him this. Do you think it’s a good idea? :(

Oh new followers...

Thanks for following this shitload of a blog of mine! lol

Beyond Sexually Frustrated

So I came back from a weekend at the beach ending up really, really, really sexually frustrated. Ever since I got that e-mail from my friend, I’ve been quite horny. I’ve been having sexual thoughts about him and what things we can do when we’re alone. I can’t help it. He’s making me like him again. I thought I got over that boat already, but apparently he has this weird hold over me. Hnng. I thought by going to the beach, I can get those drunk sexually charged messages out of my mind, but no such luck. Tyler (that’s his name btw), why do you make me feel like this?

Ugh. I guess it doesn’t help that I haven’t had sex in quite awhile. Besides, I’m not the type of person who goes for one night stands. That just isn’t me.

Anyways when I was driving home, I happened to see a photo booth along the way and my horned up mind got me remembering these photos I saw in a magazine. I’ll just leave them here for you to ogle: