Miffed

I'm pissed off right now. Or should I say, ashamed for subjugating myself to stupidity and to my hormones.

Recently, I started "dating" a guy. Notice how I used quotation marks there? It's because, well, what we did wasn't dating in normal circumstances. We started out flirting and talking, but we never really went out on an official "date". Now a date in my book would be a dinner or movie or something like that, but we didn't really do any of that. I guess you could say that we met-up during available times to talk and hang out.

Anyways, so after hanging out everyday for a week, things started getting really steamy between us. Now, it's been awhile since I had any sex, so I get pretty turned on easily nowadays. And him being a stud that he is and being oh so willing in engaging in promiscuous talk, we kind of fooled around.

The first few times were fairly tame, engaging in heavy flirtatious both in person and through texts and online conversations. Then a couple of days later, the online and text messages turned really X-rated and before we knew it, we ended up doing sexual acts together.

The first couple of times, we simply jerked each other off. Nothing really that exciting. And then, I finally gave in and gave him a blowjob. When he came in my mouth, I asked for the favor to be returned, he politely refused. Now, being the nice person that I was, I let it go and had him jerk me off instead.

After that incident, I started noticing that every time we got together, we ended up talking about sex and getting off every single time. When I wanted to talk about something else or when I tried engaging him into normal conversations, he suddenly became so standoffish and uninterested. I found him dazing off in person or see him reply short phrases through texts. I must say it was starting to piss me off.

Then, it all came down to a showdown where he asked me if we could have sex. I said I would if he gave me a blowjob first. He politely refused saying that he was uncomfortable with that. I then proposed to him that I wanted to rim him. He again said that he was uncomfortable with that too. I was starting to get prissy about this whole situation because he kept insisting that we still have sex. But I refused and told him pointblank, "I feel used."

To say that he was surprised was an understatement. In fact, I think he was shocked and severely taken aback from my accusation. He asked me why I felt that way. I basically poured out my feelings to him. Here are the reasons why I said I felt like he was just using me:

1. He only messages me lately when he wants to get off (would you believe I was sexting him in work because he was horny?!)
2. He never wants to participate and reciprocate to some of the things I do to him
3. How we once agreed that we wouldn't stop taking "care" of each other until both of us had cum (he stopped fondling me once he came and left me to dry)
4. How this wasn't his first time doing this... you know, flirting with guys and getting each other off (which sent the signals in my head to overdrive since he mentioned once that he never, ever engages in one night stands)

After I was done explaining, he was incredibly apologetic and was pretty silent and distant the entire night. In the end, I felt a little guilty for perhaps overreacting too much and said that I would still like to be friends after this. He also agreed to it, but he said that we shouldn't flirt anymore. I agreed in the end. 

This incident ended two days ago and he has never contacted me since. Even when a huge typhoon came down swinging our place, he never once bothered to ask me if I was okay or even checked on me once. I mean, come on, even my friend from South Africa bothered to check up on me. But you didn't! Considering we both have Blackberries and that texting me through BBM would be technically free! 

Some friendship this turned out to be. I guess I was right to say that to your face. User bitch.