July 28, 2011

Strange

I got a really weird message last night… more like a bunch of weird messages really. It was pretty bizarre and totally unexpected. See, my gay friend messages me up last night telling me how cute and sexy I was… and that I make him horny sometimes. Umm… yeah… Also he mentioned that on occasions, he has dreams of me and him having sex and that it turned him on. That I was incredibly fit (which in the UK means good looking) and that he was pathetic from telling me all of these things because he doesn’t find himself attractive.

…. He said all of these in 4 separate messages in my other blog.

Now, here’s my dilemma: I don’t know how to respond to him. I mean, it’s no secret that I like him. It’s pretty much common knowledge already that I’d hook up with him given the chance. I’m sure he knows that as well. So if he liked me back sexually, why not go for it?

Thing is when he sent those messages to me, he was drunk. No, beyond drunk! I could tell. When he sent me the messages, they were spelled incorrectly and had some of the letters in a word all jumbled up. Plus, he mentioned that he was plastered in his messages. Oh god. I remember him saying he was watching porn while typing those while his friends were downstairs partying.

I’m confused. I don’t know if he actually has genuine feelings for me or whether or not all of those things he said was from the alcohol. I don’t know if I should go for it or not. I mean, I’m scared of coming on to him only for him to reject me because he never did like me that way. Alcohol makes you do crazy stuff. I should know, I’ve had a first hand experience in Paris, but that’s another story. So yeah, I don’t know if he actually likes me or not (without the alcohol influence).

Sigh. Some people just need to be monitored when they’re drunk so they don’t go out sending cryptic, potentially-sexually-frustrating messages to people.

Katy Perry had...



Alexander Rodriguez



Matt Dallas



Josh Kloss



Richie Nuzzolese




And she picks this guy:




I don’t get it...

July 27, 2011

Fitting In

It's bad enough that I find it hard to fit in society because of my sexuality. I've got to work thrice as harder as the normal straight guy because of the simple fact that I like boys. My parents have vocally addressed their concerns about me being gay and now, I gotta work harder to please them. Plus, I've got to work harder to fit in with the crowd. A few of my girl friends' boyfriends are wary to be around me because they think that I might jump on them... Uh, really? Just how ignorant can you be? Just because I like boys doesn't mean I'm going to jump onto any hot guy I see. That's just insulting.

And ironic as it may be, I'm having a difficult time fitting in the gay society as well. Well, more specifically among my gay friends.

See, a lot of them fit the stereotypes of what a gay man is: effeminate, wears make-up, unusually high pitched voices, and thoroughly into fashion. There are a lot of times wherein I cannot relate to any single thing they're saying because all they talk about is clothes, designers, photographers, etc. Why? Well because those things don't really interest me at all.

Instead of fawning over the latest clothing line of a famous designer, I'd rather go ahead and boot me up some video games and play until the wee hours of the morning. I may not know the latest designer bags or latest clothing down the runway, but if you need to know the latest video games, television shows, comic books, indie music then I'm your guy. I'm a geek. Well, a gay geek to be exact.

It's not that I don't like being around my friends, but it does get frustrating sometimes wherein you can't join in the conversation because you just can't relate. I love them, but I a lot of the times, I get really shy and tongue tied around them.

Hmm... Maybe I need to get out more. Maybe I need to put myself out there and find people with the same interests as me.

Changed my lay-out. Looking really fresh and clean.

I love it.

Teen Wolf has the hottest male cast


I mean, just look at them.
But Jackson beats them all.

Just saying...

So much for alarm clocks...

Today I woke up at 11 am when I had four alarm clocks set-up for 8am.

I didn't hear any of those rings. I must have been really dead to the world.

Can I just say how attractive Dodger (played by Danny Mac) in Hollyoaks is??


I'd do him in a heartbeat.

July 26, 2011

I need to remember that Blogspot isn't Tumblr.

Closure

Okay, so he finally responded to my e-mail and we talked about our situation. I guess it's good to have this sense of closure.

I've never really told you guys about the exact why I broke up with this guy. Let's just say my parents and I had a very heated discussion over the way I've been spending my money on... Or rather whom I'm spending it on. That wasn't a very pleasant conversation. To be truly honest, that confrontation was probably the lowest point I have had in my entire life. 

When he heard this part, he adamantly apologized for being selfish with regards to the phone calls (my last bill was over a hundred dollars, crazy huh?) and the way he wants to meet and talk ALL the time. Not that I'm against that, but there are certain limits you know. 

And then it came to the point wherein he mentioned the fact that I broke up with him online. Well, there was a part of me that was afraid of confronting him directly, but the bigger reason why I did it that way was because I can't talk to him without remembering the awful things my parents said to me during our 'little' conversation. 

In the end, I said I can't communicate with him as much as I did before we started dating. Thinking about him brings the things my parents said back to the surface. I need time to heal. 

So, that means, I'm single... again. 

People can be so cruel.


It’s sickening to see people badmouth Amy Winehouse. I mean, really, the poor lady is already dead, how can you trash her some more?! It’s not like she killed someone okay? Why do you have to demean her image more? 

Yes, I know she may not have been the most model citizen out there and all, but still let’s not forget that she’s still a human being. A human being who had people care for her, love her, worry about her, pray for her. Can you imagine how torn up and devastated they are? And then to read off the internet that she probably deserved to die at the age of 27? That is just heartless. 

My London friend said that because someone’s a drug addict doesn’t mean that they don’t have people who love them or care for them. How would you feel if you attend a funeral of someone you love very much and then someone there starts saying horrible things about that person? Furious I suppose. 

Besides, I think everyone is forgetting the fact that she made pretty, bloody, great music. She had so much left to offer and it’s such a shame that she won’t be able to continue sharing her talent with us anymore. 

I guess I’ll take this time to say RIP, Amy Winehouse. I hope you continue to make great music in the afterlife. 

Am I a slut?

Hmmm... I've been asking myself that question a lot lately and I can't really say for sure. I realize that I've been jumping from one guy to the next in just a short span of time. The past three "relationships" I've been in barely lasted a couple of weeks before I moved on. I seem to get bored with them easily. 

Does that make me a slut? I mean, I'm going on dates like crazy here. You'd probably think that I am, but it's not like there's a lot of sex involved in those hook-ups. The most sex I got from those months of dating was a blowjob. It's not like that I wanted to get frisky with them everytime. Still, I can't help but feel awful to those guys who got sort of emotionally attached to me and I left them like an old toy.

My friend said that I'm just a very picky person. That I have this preconceived notion of what my ideal boyfriend is. And that anyone I date who doesn't fit the standards, I leave them some time after. I admit, that it was kinda harsh but I wouldn't blame him for thinking about me that way because he knows me too well. He even said that even though I didn't fuck with  those guys physically, you fucked them mentally by not getting emotionally invested the entire time.

So... am I player now?

Sigh. Why can't I seem to answer any of these questions?

July 24, 2011

Le Sigh

Relevant. Hit Me Like a Bull's eye.


This photo is so adorable. 

Breaking Up


So one of the few reasons why I decided to get a blogspot was so I could talk about my love life, or whatever remnants of a love life could be. Reason why I couldn’t do it on Tumblr was because the guy I most recently dated was one of my followers so it’d be awkward for me to post something about him when he can read it and send me backlash. Notice the word ‘dated’? Means we recently stopped seeing each other. More specifically, I stopped seeing him.

In normal circumstances, I’d probably wouldn’t be bothered with this since we only went to two dates and we haven’t done anything sexual at all Heck, we haven’t even kissed at all. But for some reason, I’m feeling really crummy and sort of a jerk. Why?

Well… I kinda dumped him through an e-mail. It’s a cowardly thing to do, I know. If I were in his shoes, I’d probably be furious with me as well. I guess I’m feeling guilty about the way I sort of broke the news with him. I mean, I feel like Joe Jonas calling up Taylor Swift for crying out loud! My fear of confrontation totally jacked me up there… Oh well, you learn from your mistakes right?

With regards to the message itself, he hasn’t replied to it at all. I guess he’s bitter. I’m feeling the hurt since his friends aren’t talking to him either… which is weird, because I knew them before I even met him, so they’re technically my friends too… Now I’m not sure if he’s mad because I dumped him or because I did it through e-mail. Maybe both? Considering, he’s the one who’s more emotionally invested throughout our 1 month of dating. He can’t say I didn’t try though. I mean, I called him up in the middle of the night (leading to astronomical phone bills) and bought him lots of gifts so he doesn’t have the right to say that I never did care for him. 

Now, everything is so awkward between us. I follow him in both Twitter and Tumblr and whenever I see his posts, I kinda feel ashamed/awkward/annoyed… Is it possible to feel all those three emotions from a sentence that is 140 characters or less? … Never mind, don’t answer that. My dilemma now is whether or not I should unfollow him? Would that possibly terminate any semblance of a friendship I hope we could gather from this wreckage? Aahh… Decisions, decisions.

Currently listening to: The Weight of The World- Sanders Bohlke (how very, very, VERY fitting at this moment)

July 23, 2011

New blog.

This is my nth blog. Seriously I have stopped counting how many times I made a new blog and ending up letting it get high and dry in a couple of weeks. This... will be different.

I already have a pretty active blog over at Tumblr (am I allowed to talk about that here?), but circumstances made me create a separate blog over here. A word of advice: don't date anyone who is following your blog... or better yet, don't mention your blog to whoever it is you're dating. So yeah, here I am. Most of the posts in this blog will be just random thoughts or brainfarts as I'd like to call them. Although, I may pour my innermost feelings here and there.